Life Lessons

I have a hole in my heart. Am I scared? Not particularly, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least nervous about it. Before you start worrying, though, let me explain the nature of said hole (bear in mind that I'm not a medical professional!).

It's called a Patent Foramen Ovale. Before we are born, there is an opening between the left and right sides of the heart, as we get our oxygen from our mothers. After birth, the opening seals, so that blood will pass from the body, through the right side to the lungs, back through the left side and to the rest of the body. In one out of four people (yes, an entire 25% of the world's population), said hole remains open, to some degree or another. This allows some blood to pass from the right atrium to the left without getting filtered by the lungs and getting oxygenated. The majority of people never experience adverse effects from the PFO (aka right to left shunt), and don't even know they have it.

In some, however, there are side effects. Shortness of breath, exhaustion in general, increase risk of ischemic stroke (due to blood clots possibly passing from right to left without getting filtered out by the lungs), and-the reason I was tested in the first place-migraines. I've read that there are a few treatment options, which I'm sure I'll learn more of in my follow-up appointment next Friday. The one I've read most about is called a transcatheter closure (I think...I only saw that name one place, it probably goes by one or two others as well). A device is inserted into the hole, which fans out and seals it from both sides of the heart chambers. Over time natural tissue grows over the patch. This keeps the blood flowing into the lungs, where it's supposed to go.

There is much debate over the effectiveness in the procedure in treating migraines. For some the migraines increase. In others, however, the migraines are decreased or even stop all together. I confess some hope that by having this procedure performed I could stop getting so many headaches. I don't know if my cardiologist will recommend it, or if he did that my insurance would pay for it, so I'm not planning anything until after I meet with him on Friday.

For now I bear in mind that I've had migraines all my life (mom says they started around when I was 2 years old). I've lived with them for over 2 decades, and will live with them longer if need be. I have the same heart now that I've always had, and it functions the way it's supposed to as far as exhibiting the behaviors of a healthy heart (I know this from the stress echo last Thursday, not to mention that I haven't dropped dead yet, thank you very much). I'm not going to die anytime soon, so I plan to keep on living ;). I do however appreciate a new take on some things, a new point of view. Not in everything, not yet, but then no change occurs over night. It comes in small things, sometimes a matter of reflection, other times catching me by surprise.

Whatever happens, there are lessons I am learning from this experience. Good lessons that I can use throughout my life. And for that, I am grateful.

Of Hearts and Heads

Last week was an absolutely insane one. I was up, down, in, out, generally everywhere, physically and emotionally. Work was chaotic, but since when is that new?

One of the things that occupies my attention most, however, is my upcoming visit to the Heart and Lung institute for a heart test. Worried? I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not, but who wouldn't be, at least a little.

It all started a few weeks ago when I went to the dr's office for dizziness and sinus pressure. Not much happened on that front, but while I was there the doctor noticed that I generally have a slower heart beat than usual. For kicks and giggles we did an EKG, which she said a visiting cardiologist would look at within the next couple of weeks. A few days later I got a call from her office about a culture that came back negative, and I asked the person who called if a cardiologist would still be reviewing the results. My doctor called back to confirm it, and I mentioned that I had since been reminded that my grandpa had a pacemaker put in due to his slow heart rate. The next day she called and asked if I would like to be present while he reviewed the results, and I agreed.

That appointment had some interesting results. The cardiologist wasn't concerned about my EKG, but the subject of my migraines came up, and he informed me that there is a heart condition that can contribute to chronic migraines like mine. In one out of four people there is a shunt in the heart that doesn't close after birth. Usually no biggie, there are occasions when an open shunt can cause migraines, or other health concerns. I go in for a treadmill test soon to find out whether or not that could be the cause of my migraines.

I dare say that I am becoming increasingly intrigued. I've spent the last 26 hours with a migraine of varying intensity. It started as a sinus & stress headache, and rapidly advanced into full-blown misery. Normally my migraines last only 12 hours or so. While I didn't relish going to work on the back of a nasty night's rest, I nonetheless had planned on doing just that-until I tried getting out of bed and was largely unsuccessful. I called in to work and sent out an email requesting the delay of a phone meeting and went back to sleep...until about 2 in the afternoon. By that point, while I still had the headache, I was able to eat a bowl of cereal. Two hours later I was able to eat a couple of burritos and spend the rest of my time out of bed. I still have a headache, but at least I can function. Sigh.

Do I relish the idea of a possible heart condition? No. If I had said heart condition and fixing it would fix my migraines would I do it? In a heartbeat (pun intended ;) ). What if I don't have that heart condition? Well, then I'll rest well for having a healthy heart and keep getting the same migraines that I've had for my entire life, as long as I can remember. It's possible that the cause is neurological, in which case I might be recommended an MRI test, but I think I'll take it one step at a time.

New Digs

I had all of these grand plans of posting pictures of the move in process-empty rooms to fully unpacked and set up. Ah the best laid plans...ok so maybe they weren't the best laid plans...well, here are a few at least.

I had all of my stuff moved into my apartment as of two weeks ago tomorrow. The bed, the couch, the tv, everything. I spent several hours moving books back and setting them up in order, or at least my order--according to how likely I am to re-read it.

These are all of the books I had in my possession at the time of my move. I gathered another five of them back from family and friends before I finished shelving them, and have at least another 10 lent out. I had them all stacked on my coffee (I mean hot chocolate) table, but had to start stacking them on the floor when I ran out of room...

Here they are, all nice and shelved (again with the exception of the one's I've lent out. Probably closer to 12 or 15 the more I think of it...)


My old desktop is set up, and my entertainment center has already presented a season and a half of Star Trek: Voyager. All of my dishes are put away, for the most part at least, and I have food in my cupboard. Or at least I did, it's time to go shopping again! All of my laundry is done, now if only it would hang itself...ah well.

One of the key features in my decor comes from Discovery Gateway. We recently hosted an art exhibit that boasted some very talented High School student art. As our interactive portion, patrons could sign up for a cork tile workshop, where they made found-art collages on cork tiles that could then become part of the exhibit. A large number of these pieces went unclaimed at the end of the exhibit, and as my boss didn't have the heart to throw them away, I decided to take advantage of my formerly bare living room walls to spare him the heartache. I now have over 50 of the tiles across my wall, and I'm absolutely loving it :) Here are a couple of pictures:

Here are about half of them on my living room wall. The couch has since been moved back and now sits about a foot and a half under the bottom row.


Thank the cell phone for the great pics. The wall actually is white, but I took these at different times and, obviously, different lighting. This is a close up of some tiles on the next wall over.


I spend the majority of my time back here watching tv (currently flipping back and forth from Disney's The Ice Princess and Jean Claude Van Damme in Blood Sport), playing around on the internet, and trying to keep up on the cleaning. I've already hosted FHE once, and am going to again next Monday. Here's hoping I'll be able to get off from work in time to bake the now-promised brownies! I bought supplies a couple of weeks ago and ran out of time, but this time I have an extra hour or so to prepare, so I should be able to manage it :)

Happy and Sad, Sad and Happy

Opposition in all things, right? Fortunately for me, my glass is half full. Most of the time ;).

Lisa and Christian were able to move the bulk of their belongings out of the back last Saturday. Due to some plumbing fun, however, they still have bits and pieces lying around. Not a huge deal, but it does mean that I cannot yet move all of my belongings. Happy, or sad?

Both.

Sad: I would have liked to be able to move all of my stuff at once, have it officially be "my place" right off the bat.

Happy: I have good and valid excuse to take my time getting stuff moved in

Sad: It will be another week or two before I can host FHE

Happy: It will be another week or two before I can host FHE ;)

Sad: I'll have to go up to the front of the house for good reading material

Happy: I have time in which to move all of my books- they're rather heavy all told-the down side of owning so many

Sad: My shoulder, which had been much improved, is not particularly happy with what I've done so far today (moving the bed, and with Christian's help the dresser)

Happy: My heaviest piece of furniture (besides my couch) is now in place and will not have to be moved again.

Sad: ...Nah, that's enough sad for now.

Happy: I have time to shampoo the carpets before I move everything back. I've already done the bedroom, now I just have to do the living room and dining area. I'm also way excited to have my own bathroom, not to mention the most preferable bathroom in the house :).

All told, I'm pretty happy. I think, however, that if I had to move all of my belongings today I'd end up back in physical therapy for my shoulder, and that would most certainly not be a Happy. Fortunately, that's not the case. I'll be glad for now that I have time, and that I have a much better wireless internet connection now :)

Exciting Times Ahead

Well, it's almost time-Lisa and Christian are moving out this weekend. They've already begun to move their belongings over to their new house. The first time I saw the interior of their new place I confess I was not particularly impressed. After working for over 2 years in real estate and seeing numerous homes, ranging from around $100,000 all the way to $2,000,000 and more, I confess I was a bit snooty at first. I'm sorry, Lisa & Christian.

I have been back a couple of times since, and my opinion of their place has decidedly changed for the better. I began looking at it in a new light. I personally have a tendency to be more comfortable in rooms with character-one or two (sometimes more) quirks that set them apart from the rest of the house. I began to find myself somewhat jealous of their new home, knowing that if it were mine I would be quite comfortable there indeed. Their house certainly doesn't lack character :) I also love their yard, most particularly their back yard. It is good though that they are the ones moving there, as I would not have the motivation to put nearly as much time into improvements and maintenance as they have already done and will continue to do. Not to mention there's no way I would be able to make the payments...

I have been able though to set aside my jealousy in favor of excitement-I get to move into the back apartment next week :) I once made a diagram of the living room back there (as I was using it as a bedroom at the time) as well as all of the furniture I possessed at the time. I still have the diagram, and added to it the dining area once while I was babysitting Dalton. I wasn't able to diagram the bedroom (else I would have woken Dalton prematurely from his nap), but did measure out the new furniture I've acquired since the first diagram was made two years ago. I've been having fun arranging and re-arranging my furniture, and am excited to be able to do it for real. I've never had so much space to myself, though, and am not sure yet what to do with all of it. If anyone has a spare couch hanging around, or a small dining table or desk, let me know and I'd be happy to take it off your hands for you. I have a few pictures and other wall hangings, but I think I'll finally use my tapestry blankets as, well, tapestries. I'm rather curious at what the outcome will be. Definitely on the plus side, I'll finally be able to showcase all of my books :)

I'm not the only one excited for this move. Lisa and Christian get their own house, I get the apartment, Sarah gets my room, and mom gets her living room back. All told, despite the pressures and stress of moving, the physical exertion high on the list, we'll all be much happier when all is said and done. Another plus, it won't hurt the weight watchers efforts. I've gone back and forth the last couple of weeks between losing and gaining, and I'll be very happy to lose next week. Wish me luck!

A Journey of Rediscovery

Given the rather somber, philosophical nature of my recent posts, you're probably thinking, given the title, that this is another one of those. It's probably about how we need to rediscover our roots, or something like that. Fortunately, as I don't dye my hair, my roots were never lost ;)

Today's journey of rediscovery started after I'd finished all that could be done from home for our online store update. For those of you who don't know, our store at the Children's Museum has its own website at www.discoverytogo.org where you can buy a selection of our products. I am one of two people at the store that are charged with both maintaining and updating the online store, and so it's been a source of pressure for a few weeks now, but as we're updating tomorrow, there's not much left to do.

After typing up a few final things, I took myself off to the library. Ah, the library. For years I've preferred to purchase my books, building my own library and thereby having access to many of my favorite books whenever I want them (not to mention they just look cool when they're all neatly shelved). I've also managed to avoid late fees this way. Due to my own...less than frugal...habits, however, this is no longer feasible, except perhaps on a small, selective scale (for instance, perhaps one or two books every couple of months instead of seven or eight). In light of this, I got onto the Salt Lake County Library System website and put a couple of books on hold.

When I walked in to pick them up, I got sidetracked by the books on sale. While they're typically aren't any books I would usually buy, the fact that it's only fifty cents for a hardback sold me on a couple of them. I also checked out four other books and three dvd's. Yay! The main challenge now, of course, will be to make sure to get the books and dvd's back in time to prevent late fees :)

From Then to Now...You Choose

Think back to High School. To the teenage years. We go to school for almost a decade before we reach it-just another first day, just another lunch break, just another gym class or math assignment. Yet everything is in flux. Feelings are changing, the pressure is increasing, and everything is so much more dramatic than it ever could have been before, sometimes even earth shattering. We're young enough that we're not quite sure what to do, and old enough that we're too proud to let anyone else know it. But we deal with the hard times as best we can, and roll with the high times.

When does that cycle end? Well, for some of us it never does. We start settling into habits, behavioral patterns, and never see outside ourselves enough to know that frequently the change needs to come from us, not from those by whom we feel 'wronged'. How could we possibly be at fault? We did everything the way we should have, could have. They are the ones that need to change, they are the ones that need to see what they're doing to us.

Bull. Pull away from that reflection, Narcissus, or you'll drown. You are an intregal part of every situation, every challenge in your life, and therefore have the power to affect change in each situation and challenge, both for the better, and for the worse. In those times when we truly are the root of the problem, we need to be humble enough to take responsibility for our actions, and then work to improve. In those times when we are truly not to blame (and be honest with yourself on whether or not you are or might be), think about what's going on, what could be going on, that would affect the person/situation and don't judge prematurely.

Many times, more than we'd care to admit, the problem comes from both ends, from them and from us. Those are the difficult times to determine that we may be at fault to some degree, to decide where we need to change and where perhaps the other person could stand to improve. Once acknowledged, however, the hardest part comes in the realization that we can't expect them to change, no matter how much we try or want it. We must first change ourselves, most importantly in our perspectives and attitude. How much is your pride truly affecting your views? In my experience pride is at the root of the vast majority of relationships, both personal and professional. Are you mad because of a true wrong or injustice, or because someone stepped on your proverbial toes? On the opposite side, are you happy because of a job well done, or because someone stroked your ego afterwards?

So what does this all have to do with High School? As teenagers, we are starting to work through some of the same levels of pressures experienced as working adults, but without the perspective we can gain over time. As adults, if we choose to develop and progress, we build a reference of knowledge and experience to pull from as we face new and increasingly complex issues, giving us the groundwork from which to pull both strength and solutions. We also have the choice, to let life knock us down and roll over us. Guess what, though-it's totally up to you. Is the challenge facing you out to break you, or are you there to progress, to learn what can be learned and rise to the future, knowing that you've worked through hard times throughout your past and will triumph in the future? The choice is yours, and yours alone.