Friday, June 17, 2016

Finding Me - Prelude

Today I went with a friend to see the movie "Finding Dory", a beautifully made movie about an amazing character with great gifts and one particular big challenge.  Seeing Dory go through her challenges reminded me of a few things I want to talk about.  While I do not personally struggle with short-term memory loss, there are a few other things I've experienced that I have been coming to understand in much greater depth this last year or so, particularly over the last few months.  These experiences have actually led to me not being able to remember most of my childhood; only as I've been seeking to understand myself over the last little while have I been okay delving into the depths of me.

I've made it sound so ominous--I will say right here and right now that I did not have a bad childhood!  I am in a loving family with incredible parents and awesome sisters and brothers.  I had no major traumatic events in my personal history.  I am grateful for my entire family and have lots of good memories of fun times, and have a lot of love for each and every person I am privileged to call a part of my family!  If you feel that any particular experience in this blog series refers to you, please know that I am not saying anything from a position of bitterness or out of a desire for revenge or to call anyone out.  I simply want you to know me a bit better, since no one ever wants to actually talk about the "A" word except for Dad and occasionally Mom, yet it has impacted so, so many parts of our lives individually and as a family.  Positively and negatively.  Know that I love you more than you can imagine.

For those of you who are not "in the know", the "A" word to which I am referring is Autism.  Yes, I am autistic.  Yes, I know that many of you already know that.  No, I do not expect anyone to do anything about it.  Yes, finding out has had an absolutely paradigm-shifting effect on my perception of myself and my entire life, much as it has had on others in our family.  No, no two experiences are alike, as no two people are alike.  This is my story, yours is your own.

I've titled this series of posts "Finding Me" because of the surprising accuracy of that statement in what has been going on this last year.  I am increasingly awed at just how much weight that statement has, and at how extremely appropriate a title it is for the movie Finding Dory.  It is exceptionally insightful in hindsight.  I can finally look at my own life in hindsight, and find myself relating so much to the entire concept.

Stay tuned for the next installment: "Finding Me - Nothing's Change but Everything's Different"

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