These words were first uttered by my Father in 2014 after he became the second person in my immediate family to be diagnosed as autistic. May 20th is now known as "A-Day" and marks the anniversary of his diagnosis, which launched the official diagnosis of 5 immediate and extended family members as well as the self-diagnosis or "most likely" family-diagnosis of several generations of others.
Our family's history of autism diagnoses actually started about six years ago. While driving down the freeway, my dad found himself listening to a talk show discussion of Asperger's/Autism and realizing that the characteristics being described fit one of my brothers, the older of the two, quite perfectly. As he was struggling at college at the time, my parents ended up with him at his University's Autism Clinic. Once he received his official diagnosis he was able to request and receive accommodation at the University in order to continue his education. While it would be reasonable to think that this event would have been the catalyst in our family, it was not the catalyst that it might have been. Our brother had always been unique, different in multiple ways to the point that when the word of his diagnosis spread it was more of an "oh, that makes sense!" moment rather than a shocking "if he's autistic, I wonder..." moment. While there was some discussion of which side of the family his autism would have come from, it didn't ever go very far though I did agree that it was more obviously through Dad. Yes, Dad, this is the first time I thought you might be autistic, not in 2014. It just never really went anywhere. As far as my brother, he seemed to more or less shrug his shoulders, saying something to the effect of "I always knew I was different, now I know why".
Fast forward to early 2014. My parents were on a date, having gone to dinner together. While talking about my other brother, the younger of the two, as possibly being autistic my mom made a comment that absolutely stunned my father. After referencing several things my brother struggled with, she made the comment to my Dad of "that's like you with school". I kind of get a jaw dropped, deer in the headlights mental visual of my dad's mental state when he tells the story and of the impact that line had on him. It began a cascade of thoughts, emotions and revelations in him that lasted for at least two years, only beginning to really taper off about half a year ago. He was on veritable pins and needles mentally, emotionally and even physically for months until he was officially diagnosed, and even then it did not abate as the diagnosis was reviewed, evaluated, inspected, denied, accepted, rejected, denied, denied, accepted, denied...accepted... ... ...
I admit I'm glad I found out at 31 years old and not at 56, as he was at the time. I have 25 years of memories fewer than he did to examine in a whole new light. I do consider myself blessed that I was able to spend a lot of time talking and, more importantly, listening to Dad through this whole experience. I realized then that I knew a lot more about autism than I thought (heh, little did I know then how intimately I know it!) and it brought me even closer to truly understanding the real him, not just my perception of him formed while growing up as his daughter. He talked a lot about his experiences of looking back through his life and seeing his past in an entirely different way. Nothing had actually happened to change those experiences except how he saw them, yet oh how differently he saw them! Two months later my Mom even created a facebook post centered around the whole concept, heading it the same way I did this post. Nothing's changed but everything's different. We all began to look back at our pasts, seeing just how immense an impact my Dad's previously undiagnosed autism truly had in our parent's marriage and in our own lives.
Next Installment: Finding Me - The Ripple Effect
Previous Installment: Finding Me - Prelude
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